Blast from the Past

 Now that my college life is coming to an end, I would like to revisit February of 2017, the last few months before my boards, JEE and and the rest of the life. So why am I talking about 2017 now? It's because I saw an old ass looking diary among my JEE books and I couldn't believe that I kept a diary for like 3 days before I became bored of it and stopped writing. It's not much but it was entertaining and I thought that now I have some free time and I should probably share it here, my writing space. I will filter some dark thoughts but for the most part, it will be raw. Sorry for the grammar in advance, English is not my first language.

Note- Present day Ashutosh thoughts will be in italics.

1-FEB-2017--- The storms were all over the country. It was coming. Lakhs of students like me were waiting for it. A lone boy was standing in the midst of a barren land. Determined to win this, he took out all his big guns and his ammunition would be the stuff which would make his career. Loool.

The Joint Entrance season has arrived.

I am an ant in this battlefield of titans. There is no hope and no chances BUT there is nothing to lose. It is only a matter of time before this career breaker (or maker) exam seals my fate. Oof. I was always a dramatic bitch.

Hello there! I am Ashutosh Chakraborty, a tiny drop in a vast ocean. Like the 14 lakh students in India, I am preparing for the dynamic duo of exams (JEE mains and Advance). Before I go any further, wow, the shade, I did not even mention WBJEE. Chances of success are next to zero. But still, still a little glimmer of hope, a drop of water in a large wasteland. It is my life and I want to make it large. I was making the Royal Stag advertisement references? 

After 4 years, my dream is to be a software engineer who dreams of changing or even revolutionizing the world. I'll be honest here, I deleted some content from this paragraph. As the days go by, I will update all my feelings about JEE and the moods and emotions I'm going through. Till then, I will see you in the next entry, Buh-Bye!

3-FEB-2017 ---  Hello everybody, my name is Ashutosh Chakraborty and welcome to this entry! Yesterday, I took an exam. It was the JEE ADVANCED-2016, the one which students one year senior to me took (some of them will be taking it with me this year. No hard feelings though!). Wow, what a salty bitch! I failed terribly in this exam. X marks in this paper would get me Y rank (courtesy: Quora) and I was relatively happy until mom reminded me that I was at home and would probably do much worse in the actual exam (Trueeeeeee) . God! I hate it when people are so logical. Anyways, my concepts of electrostatics are crap much like all my other concepts. Why did you choose Electrical engineering then?  There is still no hope of IIT and I'm not even gonna pretend that there is any. Oh! I almost forgot. I haven't even passed the Z mark threshold in 2015 or 2016 so there is a lot to look forward to in 2017.

I think I am depressed but there is no way to know that and I have to mask it with humor in front of family and friends. I am removing a line here. This line was a punch to the gut. Man, this was dark. Man, class 10 was so easy and now that I look back, it was a piece of chocolate cake covered in chocolate nuts. I know for a fact that person A and person B are going at speeds of Rajdhani express and I can't help but be a little jealous of them even if they are my friends. Now that I think about it, college C is also a distant goal drenched in the liquid of unreachedness. Wtf! What is this line? 

As I write this, someone is playing Hayo-Rabba bolo Tara rara outside. Oh! it's Saraswati maa going for her Visarjan. Anyway, getting back to the point, I am still an ant in this battlefield of giants and there won't be an increase in my size anytime soon. After this I went into, sort of a suicidal rant and then said that all of you users should go to hell. Sorry for that, I guess. Good night and I will see you, in the next entry, Buh-Bye!

9-FEB-2017--- Hello there! My name is Ashutosh Chakraborty and welcome to this entry! Sorry for being so rude in my last entry but I had a bad day, so I forgive myself even if you don't. So, you ask, what happened in the last six days? My answer would be nothing much. I was just covering up some portion of JEE so that I could start my board studies as soon as possible. CarryMinati and Bhuvan Bam are people who are making me laugh these days, so thank you to them for their services. Also, just so you know, Markiplier finished the Resident Evil series and Dude Perfect came out with the new World Record video. Padhai kar lo thoda...

My family is my biggest support in these days of worries. Nowadays, my sense of humor has vanished into the thinnest air. My mother is my best friend these days and gives me some valuable insight into my studies. Showering me with love, she makes sure that I don't experience any type of discomfort these days and does everything she can, to make me happy. Munai's exam are going on these days and tomorrow she has her physics exam. The way she studied today is nothing like I have seen before. Usually she is laid back and doesn't want to study at all, but today, it was different. If only she could continue this all year long. It's 2:16 am of 10th Feb and I have already spent 15 minutes in writing this entry. Before finishing this entry, I would like to thank Mahadev to bless me with such a caring family and I am truly blessed. So, good night and big balls (A wipeout reference, nice!) .Till then, I will see you in the next video, Buh-Bye!

11-FEB-2017--- Hello everybody, My name is Ashutosh and I welcome you to this entry heartily. It's technically 1am of 12 Feb but the events were of 11Feb, so let's do that. If there is ever a book written about these entries, I am going to name it as "The Final Marathon" because my mom has been using it for the past 15 days. I will probably think of copyright now. So, today was a day of mixed feelings. The morning was as "Great" as always and as usual I watched YouTube videos in the afternoon on my Mi4i. Wow! Mi4i. That's like a tiny tiny phone. 

Come evening and I saw a text from MD-PRERNA (My coaching center) . I had finally gotten the results of my tests on 5th Jan and 29th Jan. I'm not going to lie when I say that I was relieved when I got the ranks C and D respectively until I called person B. He said he got C+14 rank in the first test and I was happy, just a little bit happy but then he said that he got D-22 rank in the second test and the transition in my expression was remarkable. Seriously, who gets a D-22 rank? I mean, of course, people get the D-22 rank but still, who gets the D-22 rank?? Wow! I was jealous. Class 12 changed me. Matashree was okay at first, until she heard his marks and then, for the rest of the evening, she was sulky. She wanted me to fill up the forms of all of the Private institutes after this. She now believes that her son will never get into an IIT or an NIT. She could always see the future accurately. 

Mother and sister are going to Kolkata on the 17th, the day after her exams are getting over so that she can enjoy her life and mom will return the next day. Father has already booked the tickets today. Nothing more to add to this entry. I will see you in the next entry, Buh-Bye!      

 

16-FEB-2017--- Hello everybody, my name is Ashutosh and welcome to this entry. By now you know that, I write these entries one day later than the actual date, it's 12:38 of the 17th now. I took my Prerna exam yesterday (15th) and as always, it went awfully. The paper was easier than the actual JEE Mains and I made some blunders. So, that is bad. In other news, I have completed 116 questions of Gravitation from Cengage and now I think I can tackle gravitation questions. I got a memory card from an old phone of mine and right now I am listening to some old songs I used to listen in class 10. Prospects of clearing Mains are still next to zero, so no hope there. My sister is going to  Kolkata in a few hours now and I will be helpless seeing her eating the best of things in grandma's house. Mom will be stressed today. She will go to school and then come back, change and then get out within an hour. Seriously though! I think I am running out of data to put into my diary. No shit! You should study!  I am kind of a boring person, you know. My boards are starting in a few days and I think that I should really start studying for it right now, but since I am a serial procrastinator, I don't think I will start for another 10 days. Again, sorry for boring you guys with my petty issues. 

I think I have talked about everything that is going on in my life right now. Preparations are going on at the speed of a local train and my knowledge is decreasing exponentially with each passing day. I swear I have forgotten the basics of integration now. I think that I have lost 90% of my earlier charm, energy and enthusiasm and I will have to build it from scratch after this sequence of exams get over. I should really start working on my charm, energy and enthusiasm again. 2017 bittu would be a little disappointed in me right now. Till then, I will see you in the next entry, Buh-Bye! 

Present Day- This was fun. I was a depressed little boy and if I could say anything to him right now, it would be to study harder... nah, I would say that everything should be alright in due time. I dunno, tell me what you thought about 2017 me.

So, that's all for this entry then. Thank you guys so much for reading and I will see you guys in the next entry. Buh-Bye!!